The Christmas Diaries
by AuroraRaeHunter
Summary: A little glimpse into the minds of the Jem characters eight years after Emmett Benton's death. Describes what goes on in their lives and their emotional struggles around Christmastime. Please R&R constructively!
1. Rio's Journal, December 16

Rio's Journal

December 16

Well, it's almost Christmas. The season of giving, love, joy, and all that jazz. Not a time to feel bummed out, moody, or guilty. So, I better put on a happy face.

I picked up Jerrica's ring today. I think she'll like it. Kimber and the Holograms helped me pay up front. I can't believe I actually have a two carat diamond ring right here next to me. I'm a little afraid to give it to her when we're alone. She might think I'm after something besides her heart. Maybe I'll wrap it up in a big box for her to open on Christmas Morning. Kimber or Jem could give me some ideas for little "stocking stuffer" gifts to put in with the newspaper and packing peanuts to distract her until she finds the ring hidden at the bottom.

Oh…_Jem_. I think I better just stay away from her. She confuses me too much. I've already decided what to do… I don't want lust to get in my eyes. I know we aren't technically a "couple." I'm Jerrica's—I'm _in love_ with her. But I can't let my little affair (or whatever) with Jem continue any longer. I don't want to betray Jerrica like this. I hate deception, and I despise liars. Is it true that we are what we hate?

But…what if Jerrica _is_ Jem? It would make a lot of sense. Jerrica sings like an angel. When she was still in high school and I'd already graduated, we still sung together. Original songs, popular songs, and classics. Just for fun, but we really could have gone somewhere with it. But since Jem came around, it seems as if Jerrica doesn't care to sing anymore. I haven't heard her sing _anything_, except along with a car radio, since I met Jem. Is it my foolishness, my being caught up with Jem that I've noticed, or is Jerrica careful to make sure no one realizes how similar hers and Jem's voices are? That's one of the first things I noticed about Jem… she sings like my girlfriend.

The worst of it is, if Jerrica really _is_ Jem, what is her motivation behind becoming another person and coming on to me like that? Is she using me to test my loyalty? To trap me? To deceive me, just for the hell of it?

No. Jerrica isn't like that. Besides, I've seen them together. Not often, but enough to make the distinction of separate women. However, almost anyone could dress up as Jem. Clash has done it. Maybe, if Jerrica is the real Jem, there is a gal that dresses up to make it look like they are two separate women. Who knows?

However, I don't think that Jerrica _could _be Jem. Why would she keep something like that from me for eight years? We're in love—you don't hide things like that from people you love.

Then again, _I'm_ the one kissing somebody else when Jerrica's not around.


	2. Jerrica's Diary, December 16

Jerrica's Diary

December 16

I'm excited for Christmas already! I've planned the _perfect_ date for Rio and me. I bought a really cute evening dress from Regine's line that even _Jem_ would be jealous of! I want to take him to a big, expensive restaurant…either Italian or a steakhouse, I'm not sure yet. I better make up my mind and make reservations if we want in on the 23rd. On the other hand, Jem could always make last-second arrangements for her dear friends…

Wait a minute. This is for _me_ and _Rio_! Not for _Jem_! In fact, I've had it up to _here_ with Jem taking up all my time with Rio! I wouldn't mind so much if he knew that it was me he's always spending time with! But it's Jem! I'm _sick_ of _Jem_!!!

But, I don't know what to do! Do I just break it off with Rio as Jem, and get her out of his life? Or, do I _finally_ tell him the truth? At least then I could sing with him again. But do I tell him the _whole_ truth, Synergy and all? I might as well. I've kept enough from him already, and he _does_ have a right to know! 

Will he be angry if I tell him? How angry? Will he ever forgive me for keeping such a big part of my life a secret from him? Not to mention all Jem's little dates here and there, and Riot. Will he understand why I kept it from him? _I_ don't even understand why I kept Jem a secret from him, especially for eight years!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!! Do I keep going as normal, Jerrica _and_ Jem, and buy him a gift from her as well? _When_ should I tell him? Agh! This has gotten _so_ out of hand!

If it weren't for _Jem_, Rio and I might even be married by now! We certainly would be lovers. But I can't share that kind of intimacy with him when I hide the truth about the rest of my life, as Jem. "It's time to put an end to this deception!" But _how_ do I do it?


	3. Kimber's Diary, December 17

Kimber's Diary

December 17

I finished most of my Christmas shopping today. It's still hard to keep from buying a gift for Daddy. Sean was with me, though, and he helped me pick out a gift for his mom. We went to dinner after we finished our shopping. He drove us out to Las Palomas—that was a real treat. I'm so in love with him! 

I'm glad that I didn't marry Jeff, even though he _is_ a great friend. Besides, he and his wife are very happy. It's funny—their baby is due a week before me and Sean get married. We picked a good time: April 14th. Nobody's birthday, or any kind of anniversary.

I'm _really_ glad that we decided not to marry until now. We were too young before, but now I'm 25 years old. I know what I want out of life, and I have realistic expectations. I'm still way ahead of ol' Jerri in the relationship department! She's still messing around with Rio as Jem! Not to mention Riot…. She needs to decide! If _I_ can settle for one man, anyone can! Still, I'm worried about Jerrica. She's been stressing a lot about Rio, and about her Jem-life. I wish I knew how to help.

Raya and her family are going to Mexico this Christmas. I'm gonna miss her a lot. Especially in these last couple of years, she's really become more than a bandmate—she's like another sister. It's really great how the five of us have been getting along…almost too good to be true. I betcha the ball's gonna drop, something's gonna happen. Things can't be _so_ good for so long. It's not natural.

Anyways, it's been nice having Raya's dad around to support the band, too. I think us girls all need a father figure around, no matter how old we get. He'll never, ever, replace Daddy, or even come close, but it's still nice. 

I've been a little jealous of Raya all this time. Her relationship with her dad is as close as mine was with Daddy. Why do I still miss him so much?


	4. Sean's Daily Log, December 17

Sean Harrison

Daily Log

December 17, 1993

Went Christmas shopping today with Kimber. We had a blast! She even got Mum a gift—a beautiful set of crystal wineglasses. I hope that buying for a parent, though not her own, helped assuage her loneliness for _her_ parents. After our shopping, we went to "our restaurant" to spend some more quality time together. I really wanted her to come home with me, even just to chat longer, but she felt she had obligations at home.

I picked up her gift while she was busy shopping for Jerrica, and I was supposedly looking at tools for Uncle Marvin. I'd mention what it is, but chances are that you've found my log and are reading it, Kimber dear! I hid your gift in the boot while you were still shopping for your sister, under the spare tire. Good thing we didn't get a flat! HA HA! Love ya, darling! I'm not afraid to admit it: I'm the happiest with Kimber that I've ever been. We're a good match, and so in love. She's everything I've ever wanted in a woman, and so much more! I only wish I'd realized that sooner, instead of dicking around with losers.

Speaking of losers, Pizzazz called shortly after I arrived home. She will not leave me alone! If I've told her once, I've told her a thousand times: our little fling is _over_, and it was over before I even met Kimber. There never was, and certainly isn't now, any chance of us getting together again. Ever. She just can't get that through her thick skull! I've had it with her type, anyway. I wonder if she'll _ever_ grow up!

On a note of business, the boys and me have a gig tomorrow night at a little club downtown. Kimber's coming, and I've a little surprise for her. I'm going to sing her the song I wrote her for Christmas. I hope she likes it. It will be a surprise, I'm sure. She's the songwriter, not me! 

I'd also like to put together a benefit performance with Jem and the Holograms in the next couple of months, maybe on Valentine's Day. I should first present the idea to Jerrica, since she's their manager. Then I'd like to discuss singing together on a duet of sorts with Jem herself. Kimber and I could collaborate on writing a couple of songs like that. I love that we're so good together. Forever…

Oh, that reminds me. I've got to put Pizzazz's number on call block!


	5. Pizzazz's Diary, December 18

A/N: I know this one is *really* short…but she's that kind of lady! :) Thank you all who have responded—**ffFreakNJ, Selke, Jem Fan, **and** zorra**…I need feedback if I'm gonna keep posting, so thank you. It keeps me goin', thinking that ppl care ;) I hope you like this chapter…I know this story is slow (like my other) but I hope y'all can see why. Anyways, I'll stop jabbering and let you read the story!

Phyllis Gabor - My Diary

December 18

I'm getting sick of it.

I'm edging on thirty. It's time to stop acting like a kid!

But I'm afraid.

Of what, I'm not sure. Maybe losing my friends, my reputation, my life as I know it? Not that all of it would be _that_ much of a loss. I love my Misfits—Roxy, Stormer, Jetta. We'll always be friends, unless they want to be teenagers their entire lives. It's time to settle down. I'm sick of fleeting from one guy to the next, using my fame to snare them, and then letting them go when I'm done. I want commitment. I don't want to end up 45 years old, alone, having done nothing with my life except screw around and mess up everyone else for attention.

I wish Mom was still around…it'd be nice to have someone to talk to who's already done the marriage-and-family bit. But we weren't good enough for her. She'd rather screw around and mess up everyone else. I never realized until now that I'm doing what she did! It might be in a different way, but I don't want anyone else to end up like _I_ did. I guess—I guess I'm…_not a Misfit anymore._ Do we need to be "Misfits" forever? Can _we_ become, like…_sensitive_?! Hell, I will _never_ be like that bitch, Jem. "Sensitive." What a crock. She's so fake!

God. Why would I say that? She's never _really _been anything but _nice _to me! She's actually…kind of…well, real. She really does care, doesn't she? Am _I_ really the bitch? For real? Not just playing around, being a Misfit? If that's true, then… I…I wanna change. Can I? _Have_ I?


	6. Jerrica's Diary, December 19

A/N ~ Sorry it's taken _SO_ freakin' long for me to post…if you read D & J, you know I'm moving and just got a job. But besides that, at my parent's house the phone's been disconnected, and at my grandparent's (where I'm moving :D), their MS Word doesn't work, so I have to save as HTML here at Mom's, and shuttle them over the Grandma's when I am moving another load. Jeez Louise! Anyways, I'll shut up now b/c I know it's been a while for the story :) Enjoy and t/y for reading! Review & let me know what you think, whether you wanna give me some advice, say "good job," or say "good God, woman, stop writing PLEASE!" LoL well, here ya go ;)

Jerrica's Diary

December 19

I did it! 

I _finally_ made dinner reservations for Rio and myself at Giovanni's. I know Gio's son, Frankie, from high school, so they let me have a reservation on the 22nd at 7:00 pm, because somebody cancelled on them. I'm excited—Giovanni's is Rio's favorite restaurant! I'm so happy we'll get some couple time.

I've made another decision as well.

I'm telling Rio about Jem. But I have to discuss it with the other Holograms first, because I want to tell him _everything_. I'm going to tell him all about what Daddy left us, including Synergy. I'm going to tell him _why_ Jem came on the scene in the first place. I won't tell him about my being Jem until I've explained everything else. Then I'll at least get a chance _to_ explain. I don't want him to be hurt. I want him to know why, at first, Jem's identity was secret. He needs to know that because he didn't know about her in the first place, I've been afraid to tell him the truth because of his anger, because I didn't want to hurt him.

But what about the romance that _Jem_ instigated with Rio? I can only explain that by acknowledging that I am Jem, and I love Rio. At first, I would almost forget who I was, because I was so used to being with Rio in a romantic sense. Guess I'm not that much of an actress when it comes to my personal life. And Riot? Well, _he_ started it up with Jem, not the other way around! It's funny, he has this charming personality that he puts on full blast around Jem, which attracts her (or, rather, _me_), but he totally turns it off when I am Jerrica, which I guess explains why he is _so_ not attractive to me personally, as myself.

Good grief! _I'm_ confused with this whole Jem thing! How can I explain it to someone else when _I_ am just as confused as anybody else is? Maybe the Holograms will help me explain to Rio. I need help, on my own. I feel like I can't even be as close to Rio as I was before Jem if I'm not completely honest with him. And I know that's what he wants—honesty. I hope he'll forgive all this deception I've put him through, and look at the "why" rather than the "who, what, when." I love Rio so much…I don't want to lose him!


End file.
